Aside

I am so thankful that the Lord has really blessed our family by giving us you, dr. Ester Mis Apri Marbun, a very loving and beautiful wife and mother. My great admiration for your bravery in life, Mum because almost everything about you is love to me. When i think about these 21 years i’ve had in my life, i can’t deny how many times i’ve made you sad, mad and cry. We have had our story together, since i was so little. I remember those times we were always fighting, when i was a teenager, i was unstable and disagreeing a lot. I remember everything, and i am so thankful you’re still loving me until now, after all i’ve done to you, Mum. After all me yelling at you, plus all times i’ve been sick and you had to always wake up in the midst of night to take care for me. I was so mushy and rebel to you, oh dear Mum. I remember the time when i was late for school and i didn’t want to eat breakfast you’ve already prepared, then you had to take it with me into the car, but instead i insisted to still not taking it, and then you got mad and threw the lunchbox away. As guilty feelings spreaded my heart when i saw the foods on the ground, you started to cry. I remember i went out with my ex-boyfriend and got home late, you seemed to know but you asked me without curiosity, and. . i lied to you, Mum. . i was feeling so sorry that night. I remember when we were celebrating your birthday at our first home in Jl. Sejahtera, we gave speech one by one, we all sang songs for you, and we all cried. Then i remember your stories you always tell about your childhood, that you had to always listen to grandpa or else you would have gotten punishment, getting hit by his military belt. And when you’re getting older, you were escaping from your home to watch movies with auntie and as you got home, grandpa got mad, chased over you and auntie with his scary belt in his hand, when suddenly grandma came covering you two, so she was the one who took the punishment for you. I believe grandma was a great mother, like you🙂

Mum, i remember too, when i was a little girl, you had to take me and brother to the hospital where you did the ‘ko-as’ or ‘jaga malam’ and we had to sleep at hospital with you. Soon after you graduated, we had to accompany you to Langkat for general service to the villagers. There was one afternoon, i remember, you had to steer the car in very tired condition, when all of a sudden i saw a truck -we were about to hit- in front of our car. Thank GOD you steered the wheel left so we were evitable, then suddenly you woke up and said,” What’s going on?” I said,” Mum, you steered the wheel left so we didn’t hit the truck!” But you replied,” Really? I was fallen asleep, darling!” It was the day you taught me that GOD would protect His children -who loved Him- from accidents. There was also time when i saw you getting mad to brother and as soon as you got angry, he came apologizing to you, and cried begging for your forgiveness. Yes, the thing i was not able to do. Inspite of that, i remember, Mum, when i experienced a bitter love life, i cried in my dorm, and in loneliness i called you -i don’t know why it has to be you i was calling-, you asked me if something has happened as if you had already knew it. After telling you my story, you said you were frying tofu and they were all crumbling to pieces. You said you never fried as bad as those before. I think there is something between me and you, Mum, it’s like a connection, a heart to heart connection God has given us, that you can feel mine, and i maybe -i still don’t know yet- can feel you too. Hmm. . it’s so romantic though, right Mum?🙂

The last thing i can’t forget about you, Mum, is the last time we were fighting (it was a few months ago), i was shouting at you, and i went into my room, closed the door, with tears i asked GOD, i really asked Him, Mum, i asked Him to give me strength so i can say “sorry” to you. And for the first time of my life, i fought my ego, went back to see you, hugged you and said, “Mum, i’m sorry. .” I will never forget these things you said,” Honey, it’s okay if you break my heart. It is really okay with me, i will always forgive you. But i am so afraid if you break God’s heart. He has been so good to us, honey. He has been too faithful to us. We are given His grace to live everyday, why are we still wasting it? Aren’t you afraid of His anger? He can take our life anytime He wants to.”

After that, I never fight you again, Mum. Mommy, my lover, my keeper, you always prayed for me. Since i was a little girl, everytime i had nightmare, i always came to you and you soothed my frightened heart down. Since i was a teenager, everytime i was rebel, you always taught me hardly to manage my behaviour. And now i am growing older, you are one of my closest hiding place, you are one of my best friend, who hears lots of my troubles, and everyday, we are getting closer and closer. I begin to see that you’re becoming more wise in every word you say, every thing you do, and it’s all because you get closer to GOD. Lately, everytime you call me, you always tell me that i will never feel alone again if i get close to Him wherever i go. Thanks, Mum, for everything in life you’ve taught me, every single thing, every bitterness that you said will bring us closer to GOD, every happiness which has to happen only because we are with GOD and every day of you assuring me NOT TO GIVE UP on my dreams! I love you, Mum, i really do, and when i think of you, i cry that GOD will give you a very long and happier life in Him, and you should know, Mum, you are always shining in my heart. “I asked GOD to make all my children His servant, because that’s the most important thing in life. There’s no greater happiness than seeing my children living with the fear of the Lord.” This is your prayer, i will keep that in mind. I do hope GOD fulfill it. I hope we can serve Him with everything we do, everyday in our life. I hope you are given chances to see us grow up, and see your prayers be answered. Every tear you cried for me, Mum, i believe GOD has counted them, and it won’t be a waste. Thanks, Mum, for giving birth on me, 21 years ago, and for taking care of me these 21 years, also for still wanting me now, still seeing and loving me. I will not let you down. I am trying so hard, Mum, you know i am. Only by His grace, we can all be faithful. I wanna be like you, Mum, i wanna be a mother, and i want my children to know GOD, to love GOD more than themselves. Because it is the most important thing, like you said.🙂

So, happy birthday, Mum! 45 is a great number! So proud of you! Really! And these are my prayers for you, Mum! Hope you will be more like what this passage tells about a woman.🙂

Proverbs 31:10-12 and 25-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

God bless you, dear Mum, always and forever!

April 8, 2010. My Mother’s Birthday.

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